Travel can change a lot of things about a person. It can change your denomination, your political affiliation, what you value, who you're attracted to — but can it rewire your brain? Can it defeat emotional disorders, body issues, eating disorders, and the suitcases of demons we humans tend to carry around? Maybe it can.
Pants down, thighs clenched and shaking, pee...everywhere. Another fail, even though you're a self-respecting adult who manages hundreds of clients and gets out of bed in the morning without the help of medication AND who pays their bills on time. But squat toilets?
I mean, sure, you'll eat more cheese empanadas then ever thought possible while sobbing into the invisible tortilla you ignorantly assumed would be everywhere because of your preexisting love for Tex-Mex, but it's possible.
I'm just not cut out for Central America. It's like Monica in that Friends episode in the Bahamas. Let me spell the horror out for you and establish credibility before I delve into the do's and don'ts.
Traveler’s diarrhea — you know how it goes. All of a sudden, you’re ziplining in Thailand, having completed 30 runs with 28 more to go, and, for lack of a better term, shit hits the fan.
Don’t get me wrong — I’m all about the lifestyle of hairy legs, unwashed hair, and dirty fingernails. No one should ever feel like they have to do anything special to their looks to make the rest of the world happy — especially when living in a van driving down the coast of Australia for two months. And if anyone — and I mean anyone — ever tries to convince you otherwise, pull over and leave that person's ass on the side of the road with no baby wipes, capiche?
But for those wanting to opt out of smelling au naturel, here are some tips on surviving the not so perky side of living in a musty Mitsubishi Express.
You know when you’re pulled over on the side of a cliff in South Australia and you’re sharing a cup of goon with a truck driver named Andy who’s also pulled over on the side of a cliff? You know, those days when it’s 2 AM and you’ve been driving for 9 hours straight just to get the hell out of the Outback? You’re tired. You’re hungry. You’re tired of being hungry and only eating variations of rice and pasta mixtures. What’s a girl to do? Obviously, you make a pizza.