If you ever feel like you are an uneducated waste of space (I know I do), here's proof you're probably not. Below are actual queries to actual articles followed by actual responses actual people took actual time to write. And then I had to kabosh them, because that's my job. No format, spelling, or punctuation has been changed.

#1. How do I have a personal relationship with God? Help! PS - I'm a Christian.

The answer:

1. Never tell him your credit card number
2. Don't disclose any private informations about who you love
3. Embrace science

#2. How do I hold hands with my boyfriend?

The answer:

1. Take your hand, make sure it is covered in lotion, partners love this.
2. Look her/him straight in their eyes as they are tied down by rope and whisper "ravioli ravioli give me the formuoli"
3. Proceed to grasp your partner's hand
4. Don't let go
5. You win. This is where you go in for the kill
6. Reveal you are a lobster, you have always been a lobster
7. Go back to the ocean and tell your lobster friends about your sick night

#3. How do I conceal my farts in public? Help!

The answer:

1. blame it on a squirel
2. 1
3. no one knows how they fart anyway ok gurrlll so fart awayyy

#4. How do I measure the pH of water?

The answer:

1. 1
2. grab a hoe
3. 2
4. Make her grind
5. 3
6. Make her loyal
7. 4
8. get her pregnant she will stay with you.
9. 5
10. Negrooooooo

#5. How do I prevent mice from entering my home?

The answer:

1. Call Ol' Dirty Bastard
2. Say the following, "Straight up n down gohd, they rodents in the dojo"
3. Prepare a guest room for ODB. He will arrive on the first half moon according to the Chinese calendar.
4. Allow the Dirty his space, gohd. He's on it.
5. Yo, the mice are yesterday son. Praise be ODB!
6. Offer a weekend with your wife, daughter, daughter's friend, or any related female ODB may have interest in as payment.
7. Take Od's card. It's also got Method Man's number in case you get termites.

#6. How do I get my parents not to spank me anymore?

The answer:

1. Hide

#7. How do I take care of my own ladybug?

The answer:

1. Dont furr get about the lade bugs name

#8. How do I be cool?

The answer:

being cooo
1
look coo
2
feel coo
3
be coo
4
talk coo
5
act coo
6
and ill be damn...you real damn coo

#9. How do I deal with mean parents?

The answer:

1. I know what it feels like today is my last day

#9. How do I have sex on my period?

The answer:

pickel methode
1. 1
2. get pickel
3. 2
4. insert pickel in magic sancuary
5. 3
6. oregasm
7. 4
8. bath tiem

#11. How do I play a prank?

The answer:

1. Buy two donuts.
2. pull all the stuff out of one donut.then put chilli inside it.
3. give one donut to a friend.
4. and eat another one by yourself.
5. and get out of that place.

#12. How do I get rid of foot odor?

The answer:

1. Find a blunt, rusty knife.
2. Hack at your ankles.
3. Sterilise.
4. Feet no longer, can no longer smell.

#13. How do I become the head cheerleader?

The answer:

1. Always be a rabbit. Everyone loves squirrels, so if you're a rabbit they will hate you. Also be sure to eat at least one cake and drink one pop a day. And throw in one rabid dog to get your vitamins. Rabid turkeys are delicious and purple. Eat allot of them. You should wear dinosaur skin shoes because they smell wonderful. Eat chIps every chance you get to help build muscle. To stand out wear your hair in dread locks and sing silly songs the whole time. Usually the coach makes up bad moves so create your own and do them without asking permission. Even if your coach says to stop keep doing it. Show them the right way to do it!!! -- become the head cheerleader

#14. How do I make refried beans?

The answer:

1. You do not know how to cook real Mexican refried beans this is so white .

#15. How do I turn caps lock off?

The answer:

1.
Go to the button to the left of the A.
2.
Then, tap it.
3.
It has been turned off.
alternative method: Physically remove the key. Pry the Caps Lock key from the keyboard. This will leave a hole where the key used to be, but you don't need administrator privileges to do this.

#16. How do I do threading?

The answer:

amazing
1. 1
2. just go to the beauty parlour in new jersey
3. 2
4. say i want my moustache off
5. 3
and BOOM!!!

Don't you feel a little better? I do. And boom.

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