I know what you’re thinking: “All I have to do is look out for the people who drive on the wrong side of the road and make the classic ‘throw another shrimp on the barbie’ and/or ‘a dingo ate my baby!’ joke, right?” Well, sometimes it’s not that easy. Sometimes those people cleverly disguised as Aussies driving in bright green and purple JUCY vans with the ‘penthouse’ accidently left open aren’t actually Aussies, believe it or not. So to avoid any mistaken identities that could potentially embarrass you, follow this guide for spotting a noob in Australia. Otherwise, you may find yourself stood up for brekky since the noob you invited has no idea what brekky even means.

 

  1. “We’ve got this bag of goon if anyone wants to join us for some drinks tonight!”

  2. “Can I have a side of ketchup?”

  3. “Can I have a side of jelly?”

  4. “I found a jug of lime Cordial while looking for the dish detergent. That’s soap, right?”

  5. “A capsicum? What the hell is a capsicum?”

  6. “Wow, people here are incredibly open about their thongs.”

  7. “Look! A kangaroo on the side of the road!”

  8. “It’s so strange how I keep seeing signs for tolls ahead, but there’s never any tolls.”

  9. “A pot of beer should be plenty for all of us, right?”

  10. “Nice to meet you!” *goes in for the handshake that awkwardly morphs into a kiss on the cheek*

  11. “We’ve still got a quarter of a tank left. Let’s just fill up in the next town.”

  12. “Drop bears....they’re a joke, right?”

  13. “Do I need a membership for the Coffee Club?”

  14. “Can I have an Ex-Ex-Ex-Ex Gold, please?”

  15. “Are those spikes on that dude’s helmet a confused fashion statement or what?”

  16. “Is the frozen yogurt place going to have toppings like Vegemite and Weet-Bix?”

  17. “What’s a Macca’s?”

  18. “I’d get a room at a hotel, but I feel like they’re all full of drunk people.”

  19. “So there’s just a new prime minister now? What was wrong with the last one?”

  20. “What are those birds with the curved beaks and skin that looks like its tearing apart on the back of their heads?”

  21. “I’m thinking about renting a Wicked Camper in hopes I get the ‘Bill Fucking Murray’ one.”

  22. “So my visa is more of a guideline, right? I can just stay here forever, right?”

 

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