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There's a definite learning curve to Vietnam, give or take about four months. If you can make it past then, you'll be sucked in practically forever. Plenty of wannabe-expats that could make it give up before then, not trusting said curve. Soon enough, you'll be able to tell who's gonna stick around and who doesn't have the cajones. They ones that won't make it? You can catch 'em when they say stuff like:

1. "C'mon, Mr. Waiter man. C'mon."

2. "Sure, I'll pay 50,000 VND for that coconut."

3. "Can I get another three thirty-three?"

4. "Wow, that girl kinda looks like a boy, doesn't she?"

5. "Is the karaoke always this loud? It's midnight, don't they know better?"

6. "Why are they playing "All I Want for Christmas is You" in July?"

7. "Omg, can we please turn the AC down to 19? I'm sweating balls over here."

8. "The policemen standing on the corner sure are terrifying."

9. "Let's go to the Crazy Buffalo; that place looks legit."

10. "Do you think these children selling these bracelets get to keep the money?"

11. "Ohmigod, I hope that rooster stops cockadoodledooing soon."

12. "I saw a man with a really long hair growing out of his mole today."

13. "My xe-om driver smells. Maybe I should just take cabs from now on."

14. "There is no good vegetarian food around here, what gives?"

15. "Just because I left my purse unattended doesn't give someone the right to steal it."

16. "I can't drive my bike through two feet of water, are you crazy?!"

17. "Omg, get this ant out of my tea! Gross."

18. "Shit, I'm supposed to bring my own toilet paper?"

19. "Woah, I saw a man carrying a tree full of goldfish today!"

20. "...You want me to...cross the street? HOW?!"

Or if you catch yourself saying one of these, hate to break it to you, but YOU'RE the noob. Don't worry; we've all been there. Just keep an ear out for next time, 'kay?

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